Revised Introduction

In the post below, I will be rewriting my introduction paragraph for Project Two, the rhetorical analysis of "Genetically Engineered Babies." I feel as though the revised version of my introduction provides a more general idea of engineering. In addition, the transition from hook to thesis is a little smoother and ties the ideas of the paragraph together more effectively. Also, my thesis explains how the author uses rhetorical strategies specially, rather than just a general explanation of what she used.

Amandaelizabeth84. "LadyBug." October 2014 via Pixaby. Public Domain Dedicatin.

Original:
In recent years, genetic engineering has become a popular topic. We are now able to create products for a sustainable future, revolutionize the medical field and even eliminate certain diseases in unborn babies all through engineering. Webster defines genetic engineering as “the altering of an organism’s genetic composition by artificial means, involving the transfer of specific genes or traits.” Although this dictionary definition explains what exactly genetic engineering is, the definition fails to exploit the ethical issues involved in gene transfer, specifically in a human embryo.  In her article, “Genetically Designed Babies?”, Wynne Parry sheds light on the moral issues involved in embryo designing. Through her appeal to logic, Parry is able to present the unethical aspects involved in genetic engineering in order to evoke a sense of ethical awareness in her readers.

Revision:
Engineering has enabled us as a society to innovate and create sustainable products, revolutionize the medical field with alternative and personalized medicine, and even eliminate certain diseases from genomic sequences. However, many people consider these manufactured means to be "unnatural" and "unfair processes" to human existence because they provide unequal opportunities and advantages to situations that were previously left to chance. Specifically, the altering of genomic sequences has become a central aspect in embryonic development; through engineering, parents are now able to select which traits they want to appear in their child. In an article, "Genetically Engineered Babies," Wynne Parry deconstructs this technique while highlighting the moral issues involved in the alteration of an embryo's gene sequence. Through organization, as well as credible evidence, Parry is able to logically present her argument against genetic engineering in order to effectively evoke a sense of ethical awareness in her readers.